fear, halloween and daily life

10.28.09

I write and think a lot about FEAR.  So debilitating.  Think about everyone you know and what you talk about.  Usually it has to do with “what might happen.”  Job loss, relationship breakups, global disasters, disease issues, going to the dentist.  Oh, yes.  The latest.  Swine flu.  Silly me.  I forgot about Swine flu.  The latest global fear for all.  Not to mention a destroyed economy in Mexico because…”swine flu” and kidnappings and murder when the reality is narcos versus federales on U.S. border towns like gunfight at OK corral do their thing.  They shoot each other, not tourists.

About Swine flu.  We already have been told, although no one seems to listen, swine is less virulent than our usual flu seasonal malady.  FEAR.

I have a blog thought I’ld like to pass along to you.  Maybe, just maybe, you are a patsy for propaganda.  Suggestion:  Take personal responsibility.  Nothing for granted.  Who is disseminating this information about spraying your nose with some unknown swine flu potion.  (Back in the 80’s, it was cocaine.  At least a known substance ).

FEAR!!!  Of being alone, not having enough, dying, aging, foreclosure, a broken surfboard, holiday get togethers.  AHHHHHHH.  Holiday get togethers.  Talk about mental breakdown.

As a part-time therapist, most clients come because they want to get off the FEAR treadmill.  Life seems to be spinning around with no direction.  This feeling of not knowing where you are going and lacking purpose equals FEAR.

Hear me out.  I’m not making light of this FEAR phenomenon.  In fact, I am quite serious because like you I deal with it also.  Confronted fear this past week.  Actually, just an hour before writing this.  Ok, I know you want to know my story so I will tell you.

I’m on an island in the Exumas.  A basic research island with only a three person staff here.  On weekends everyone leaves except one intern.  This 700 acre island is pristine.  Has elevation and rocks and coral sandy beaches.  Mostly it is scrub and rock.  Yet the view is perhaps one of the best anywhere I have ever been.

So you are isolated.  VERY ISOLATED.  Does this make you want to be here or freak out?

So I’m walking along this path with chameleons scurrying across my pathway and ultimately walk carefully, mind you, over the coral rocks to this incredibly expansive beach with no one, I mean there is no once else around,  I’m on an island, and the water is emerald green rolling in from the ocean,  and there is a slice of late afternoon.

What a golden opportunity.  ONE with coral pink sand, unlimited expression of beach, total privacy, Caribbean sea as clear as sky.  Thoughts about possible sea urchins, sharks, rip tides vanished as I took off my clothes hanging them on a branch, and dove with abandon into the ocean…fearless.

This was not just a frivilous act…it was sanity.  I know enough about potential currents.  The beach was friendly.   A long stretch of white coral sand.  Spectacular.  Frollicking in the waves, I felt strong and complete with life.  What could have made it better?  A female partner to share the experience and make love on the beach.  Of course.  Not happening  this moment.  Remember, I’m on an isolated island.

But this was the time.  Fear reared its ugly head challening me to do what I did…or run away.  I chose the ocean, now, I could be swept out to sea, I thought, and I knew in my heart I was safe and didn’t wish to relinquish the experience I would have if caught in fear.

Go for it.  Halloween is a fun time.  We get messages so we freak out to overcome our fears.  Enjoy the holiday.  More importantly, know Halloween is one day to enjoy our fears in a pretense kind of way.  Life goes on.  No room for fear.

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